‘From the time television was invented it has fascinated its audience’ (Leigh 2001, pp. 24-25). The fact that nowadays almost every family in developed countries gave at least one television set (Sharif 1999) has shown the definite influence of television. This is further proven by a survey that both women and man spend the most hours on watching television during leisure time (American Time Use Survey 2003). Eventually, controversial views on effects of television viewing arose among people. Some claim that it encourages critical thinking as well as provides a wealth of information. Despite those benefits, I however, strongly believe that excessive television viewing brings more harm as it triggers behavioral problems, distraction from homework and health problems.
Firstly, people especially children who are at the thought-shaping stage are tend to visualize an idea of life and behavior as shown in television programs (Sharif 1999). Stereotype of violence on television, particularly, induced deplorable effect on children as they may think that solving conflicts using violence is a usual and natural way (Sharif 1999). More than that, modern children’s programs are subjected to develop short attention spans in children with them seizing easy solutions on all problems. This gives no benefit when they are facing complex difficulties in real life. Besides, people addicted in certain program almost suffer “withdrawal problem” (Rutherford 2002, p. 14) and this leads to antisocial behavior.
Secondly, excessive television viewing undoubtedly causes students to be distracted from their homework. Dr. Thomas claims that television programs incur nothing but undivided attention from children causing them unable to focus on homework (Leigh 2001). According to Dr. Geraldine Jones, children cannot develop the imaginative skills needed in formation of organizational and problem-solving ability (Leigh 2001). Consequently, they are likely to be the lowest achievers in school. In spite of variety of educational programs on television, children are always having preferences on entertainment programs which provide no help on their studies. In short, distraction caused by television viewing is detrimental on study process of children.
Furthermore, heavy viewers of television are highly possible to be encountering with health problems due to lack of exercises. The time-wasting activity of flicking between channels imposes a cost where people will spend less time on activities such as sports and recreation (Rutherford 2002). UK Time Use Survey (2000) established a survey result showing that full-time workers spend the second fewest time for sports and exercise on both weekday and weekend. People usually love to grab snacks or even have their meals in front the television. This invasive lifestyle absolutely contributes to various health problems especially obesity, short sightedness and related diseases.
To conclude, the bad effects of excessive television viewing outperform its benefits where it leads to behavioral problems, distraction as well as health problems. Television viewing will be a good soothing and relaxing activity after work or school (Rutherford 2002) if it is done with moderation. In addition, educational programs should be presented in a more creative way such as using animation to make learning fun. As a conclusion, I insist that excessive television watching brings more harm than good.
The introductory paragraph starts off by giving simple background information of television, and this is further supported with statistical data drawn from the texts given. You provide two-side views on television viewing and make the issue sounds argumentative. However, the thesis statement can be improved by changing ‘brings more harm’ to ‘brings more harm than good’ to show that this is argumentative and that your stance is firm. Overall, the introductory paragraph is well structured.
ReplyDeleteThe topic sentence of the first body paragraph is not clear as it does not state that television viewing brings behavioural PROBLEMS, while it just states that television shapes the behaviours of children (good or bad?).
In second body paragraph, the source can be acknowledge after [lowest achievers in school] since the information are drawn from the same source. Also, the information is only drawn from one source. Try to use information from other texts to expand your idea.
In the third body paragraph, the statistical data given by the text is well transformed to support your point. This makes the paragraph very convincing. The information in this paragraph is well synthesized. However, the last part of this paragraph is not cited (Rutherford 2002).
The conclusion has summarised all the main points and thesis statement is restated to support your stance.
grammar and spelling mistakes:
1. every family in developed countries [have]
2. a survey that both women and [men]
3. controversial views on [the] effects of television viewing [arise] among people – I think it is a present tense
4. thought-shaping stage [are] tend to – the [are] is not needed
5. induced – induce, deplorable effect - effects
6. “withdrawal problem” – ‘ withdrawal problem’ – quotation mark
7. undivided attention from children [,] causing them [to be unable] to focus
8. heavy viewers of television are highly possible to be [encountered]
9. have their meals in front [of] the television
Overall, all main ideas are included and information is drawn from all texts. Statistical data are used wisely to support your stance. Appropriate transitions are used in every paragraph and the flow is smooth. Formal language is also used.
wow...good job guys!
ReplyDelete